We all know a picky eater. Maybe we even have one (or more) in our own homes. Is it normal? What the real reason that kids are picky eaters? And more importantly, what can you do about it.
Having a picky eater is a challenge. We want to support them but no one wants to turn dinnertime into a battle.
So let’s go over why kids are picky eaters, why it’s important to deal with picky eating and how we can preserve our sanity while trying to feed them.
Why Kids are Picky Eaters
Evolution
The good news is that picky eating may have evolved to protect children. As infants, we are completely dependent on our parents for food, and infants learn to trust that adults give them things that are safe to eat. Which is why infants are usually willing to try new foods.
But once children learn how to walk on their own, it’s impossible to control everything they eat. Leaves, dirt, glue, boogers. Toddlers are off and exploring and often times putting things in their mouths. So there is a theory that humans evolved to have a healthy rejection of food that is bitter (read: vegetables). Bitter taste is usually associated with toxic foods. This protects young humans from accidentally consuming poisonous berries or deadly leaves. It also makes it difficult to get your three year old to try broccoli at dinner.
Evolution is also the reason that kids are picky eaters. It may also explain why young kids are inclined to eat foods that are energy dense (read high in fat and sugar). Their growing bodies need calories in order to develop. Foods that are high in fat and sugar tend to also be high in calories. For small children with small tummies, those sorts of foods are beneficial to ensure that they’re getting the calories they need. Unfortunately, many vegetables are not high energy foods, which makes kids (by design) less inclined to eat them.
Young Taste Buds
Small children actually are more sensitive to taste than adults are. As we age, our sense of taste diminishes, which is probably the reason adults can enjoy an afternoon beer while kids don’t. Or at least one of the reasons. Things like smelly cheese, spicy foods and pickled fish are other examples of strong flavors that adults enjoy more than children.
This may also be why kids prefer bland foods, like pasta with butter, or bananas. Foods, especially bitter vegetables, may taste a lot worse to a child than we realize.
Food History
We are creatures of habit and kids are no exception. One reason kids are picky eaters may also evolve out of how they were fed as babies. This goes as far back as to what their mothers ate during pregnancy. Research shows that flavors do transmit through amniotic fluid. So kids are already developing food preferences before they’re born.
The exposure to flavor continues for babies who nurse. A mother who ate a lot of asparagus may then have a baby with a preference for asparagus. Babies who’s first tastes were less exotic may be less inclined to taste new foods as they grow.
When Picky Eating is a Concern
How Much do they REALLY need, anyway?
Do you know what a portion size looks like for preschool aged kids? Is it closer to 3 bowls of Cheerios and milk, or 2 bites of an apple? As busy parents, we have a lot of thing to worry about regarding food. Are our kids getting enough fruits and vegetables? Did we pack enough snacks for a busy day at school? What should we do about the kid who never eats? It’s easy to assume/worry that our kids aren’t eating enough, so here’s some information to put your mind at ease.
Kids actually don’t need as much food as adults. This seems obvious, since they are much smaller (although have so much more energy). Sometimes, it’s hard for us to separate ourselves from our children. We mainly assume our kids aren’t eating enough because WE’D still be hungry after eating that amount. If the kid complains about being hungry, or seems lethargic or hangry, then you might have an argument for eating more. If the kid seems fine, then he’s probably eating enough.
He used to be such a good eater!
That’s great! Babies actually need more energy than preschoolers. Even though they’re smaller, babies are doing a lot more growing. The average baby triples in size in the first year of its life. Fortunately for those of us who aren’t fans of nighttime feedings, that’s not the case for preschoolers. As their growth begins to slow, kids don’t require as much food as they did when they were infants. So when compared to an infants, preschoolers have less of an appetite. It may seem as though your kid never eats, but they’re simply adjusting their intake to their body’s needs.
How much should I give them?
If your child is capable of serving themselves, then you can allow them to decide how much goes on their plate. They may need some guidance on this. My kids think we live in a pasta desert and they better fill their plates in case they never see pasta again! You can say something like 1 scoop per person, to make sure that everyone gets the EXACT SAME amount. You can also gently remind your kids that there is enough for everyone and if they are still hungry AFTER they finish eating what’s on their plate, then they are welcome to have more. For young children, it’s rewarding to finish what’s on their plate, so encourage taking seconds rather than creating an eating challenge.
Once the food is on their plates, it’s now up to each kid to decide when he or she has had enough. No need to encourage “one more bite” or tempt them with sweet offers of dessert. When a child has had enough, he will simply stop eating and move on to something more exciting.
Portion Size for Kids
A good rule of thumb is that preschool aged children eat about half of an adult size serving. For example, 1 cup of whole grain pasta is a serving size for an adult, so a portion size for kids is about 1/2 cup. This does not mean you need to get out the measuring cup to make sure you kid is eating exactly 1/2 cup of pasta. But you may want to measure out 1/2 cup to see what it would look like so you have an idea for yourself.
The same applies to fruits and vegetables. An adult serving size of grapes is about 32 grapes which means a portion size for kids is 16 grapes. For dried fruit, a portion size is half of that, so 1/4 a cup of raisins, or 1 of those small boxes. For the ever contentious vegetables, kid’s need about 1 1/2 cups of vegetables each day. That means that once they’ve eaten 6 baby carrots, they’ve successfully consumed 1/3 of their daily vegetable intake. Remember that vegetables in all forms count, including the sauce on pizza.
When it come to protein, most preschoolers only need about 12-14 grams a day. For comparison, 1 whole egg contains 6g of protein. So if your preschooler eats 1 egg for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or anytime at all), that’s almost half of his daily requirement. In fact, most preschoolers get about 3 times the amount of protein they actually need. So your kid probably doesn’t really have to eat those last 3 bites of chicken.
One Day At a Time
Just like all of us, kids vary in their dietary needs week to week, day to day and even meal to meal. A kid who eats a large breakfast may not be very hungry at dinner. A kid who ate apples and berries for snack may not want a banana. It’s important to keep in mind that nutrition happens over the course of a few days, not just at one meal. If a kid isn’t hungry and skips a meal then he may simply have already eaten enough that day. On the other hand, if a kid comes home from school ravenous, then she may need a bigger lunch. Each day and each meal is different. And that’s part of the appeal of preschoolers- how delightfully unpredictable they are.
Still Worried?
It’s difficult to relax when you are responsible for raising the next generation of humans! But when it comes to eating enough, kids are good at detecting when they are full. If you have concerns, your pediatrician can help assess how your child is doing in terms of growth and development. For the most part though, pat yourself on the back. If you’re serving healthy foods most of the time, chance are that your kids is doing just fine.
How to get you Picky Eater to Try New Foods
Getting your kids to try new foods is hard. We like what we know and we know what we like. So how can we get kids to try new things? It’s so exhausting to keep forcing or bribing them. And they are so resistant. It takes a lot of patience and self control to stay motivated and in it for the long game. So, instead of focusing on getting your kids to try new foods, let’s stop for a minute and take a look at simple changes we can make to ourselves to make our job a little easier.
When Is Enough Really Enough?
First, in order to get a kid to try something new, they need plenty of opportunities to do so. If you think your kids has already been given enough tastes, then you’re thinking too small. Kids need anywhere from 8- 20 exposures to a new food before they’ll eat it. So imagine that you serve broccoli for dinner and your kid, so politely and respectfully turns it down. You’re prepared for this. So you offer it again a few days later. Still no go. Never mind, you’re a trooper. You offer a third time and get rejected once again! It may feel like it’s been forever, but if you’re counting along here, you’ll see that we’re only at 3 exposures. And we’ve faced rejection each time. We’re not even half-way to the potential 8 exposures we need. But what do so many parents do at this point? They assume that their child simply does not like broccoli. This may or may not be true. But this becomes the parents new line: “My kids doesn’t eat that.”
Or Does She?
We’ve all experienced kids who like Cheerios one day and hate it the next. Or kids who reject leftovers for lunch even though they happily ate the same thing for dinner. What if we thought it could work the other way around too? Maybe your kid did hate broccoli yesterday, but today is a new day and a new chance to try something new.
In cognitive behavior theory, this is called jumping to conclusions. It means that we have made a decision about the way someone else feels without them expressing that thought. Parents decide that a child doesn’t like something and then stop offering it, usually well before the potential 20 times you need. In this world of immediate responses, parents may not give a child enough exposure to make a real decision about new foods.
3 things we can do:
- Take Expectations Off the (dinner) Table – Cook, Serve, Eat. That’s it. You offer food and they either taste it or they don’t. That’s it. No bribing, no cajoling, no begging. Now we’ve moved into the battle arena. So just place dinner on the table, and let them decide what to do next.
- Role Model – Show them that you like it. They may not buy it at first, but this is one of the best ways to encourage kids to try something new. If they see you eating and enjoying a new food, they will learn that this food is delicious and becoming more interested in tasting it.
- Make it Fun – This basically means having a place, that might not be the dinner table, where a kids can get a little more comfortable with new things. This could be a play kitchen, where the food is not actually edible, or a garden where you’re just growing food without any expectation of eating it. Or cooking in the kitchen, where food prep may be more of an activity than anything else. Anytime that actual eating is not part of the activity is a great time to getting your kids to try new foods.
And What About Those Vegetables...
Why Eating Vegetables is SOOO Hard!
Numerous interventions to encourage kids to eat more fruits and vegetables show that it is possible. They also show that it’s much easier to get kids to eat fruit. In fact, interventions have successfully increased fruit consumption among children ages 2 -18 by 67% between 2003 and 2010. Despite the interventions, vegetable intake holds steady, with 93% of children not eating the recommended 1-3 cups of vegetables daily.
One reason for this is that fruit naturally tastes delicious. It’s sweetened with fructose, unlike vegetables which tend to run on the more bitter side. The texture of fruit is also much easier. Fruits tend to be soft and easy to eat (think of strawberries and bananas) while vegetables are rougher and tougher.
In addition to their natural appeal, vegetables are more labor intensive. While many fruits require only washing (and peeling if you’re citrus), vegetables mean work! They need to be peeled, seeded, sliced, chopped and then cooked. It’s a lot easier to grab a handful of grapes than to roast up some zucchini.
Finally, the reason it’s so hard to get kids to eat their veggies is because it’s so hard to get their parents to do it! The truth is that many adults do not eat the suggested servings of vegetables each day. Role modeling is one of the best ways to encourage healthy eating in children.
Tried and True Ways to Get Your Kids To Eat More Vegetables
So yes, eating more vegetables yourself is a great way to get your kids to eat them as well. So is offering more vegetables at meal time. But what about after you serve and eat your own veggies and your kids keep saying no? There are a few ways to make vegetables seem more exciting. And no, none of them require you to create cucumber and tomato superheroes. All it takes is a simple salad.
Why Salad is So Great
It accommodates many different tastes. Let’s say you have a kid who loves avocado, a kid who loves cucumber and a kid who likes spinach (the unicorn, I know). A salad is the perfect dish that includes all of those things. You’r guaranteed to have at least 1 vegetable for each child, and there’s always the chance that someone may feel up to trying something new. Instead of risking kids completely avoiding vegetables, a salad allows them the freedom to pick and choose. It also makes menu planning easier.
Since kids (and let’s be honest, adults too) find the bitter taste of vegetables off-putting, offering a dressing or dip helps mask the taste. Again, perfect for salad. You can mix up your own versions of vinaigrette, dressing or sauce. A little bit of honey and oil goes a long way in making salad more palatable.
Kids love choice, especially when it comes to food. Research shows that there is actually an ideal number of veggies to present, and it’s not 2. When kids are offered 3 or more vegetables from which to choose, they tend to eat more than when offered only 2. Weird, but true. So salad is a perfect (and easy) way to make sure you’re offering at least 3 choices of vegetables.
Finally, research shows that kids actually love the idea of picking out their vegetables from a mix. Presentation matters. When vegetables come all mixed up together, like in a salad, kids are more likely to eat them. The best news is that serving a salad is more likely to get your kids to eat vegetables. Cutting the same vegetables into caterpillars (or any other cute critters) doesn’t. That’s a win-win.
The REAL goal of Parenting a Picky Eater
So we all know those kids who eat everything and anything their parents give them. Broccoli, kale chips, even durian. And then there are those of us who struggle to get our picky eater to eat anything that’s not macaroni and cheese. So how do those parents get their kids to eat? What’s their secret?
Here it is: You can’t. That’s right. There is actually absolutely no way to get your kids to eat everything. But what’s even more important is that it’s Ok.
Wait, What?
In fact, I am an adult, who has opted to work in food, and there are things that I will not eat. EVER. For example, mushrooms. There is nothing that anyone can ever do or say, (short of paying me a very very large sum of money) that will get me to eat mushrooms. Even if you tell me that they contain anti-oxidants, can help you live forever and prevent all sorts of disease. And there is absolutely nothing that anyone can do that will make me like eating mushrooms. I recently went out to dinner with my family and my 6 year old ordered a dish with mushrooms, for the very reason that I would not like it. And he’s right. And he also offered me a perfect opportunity to model what to do when something you absolutely hate is served. I just said, “No thank you,” and we continued eating
So while it’s no big deal if you can’t get your picky eater to eat anything, it is important to teach them how to tolerate foods they dislike. Kids should have the space to say no. Parents should respect a child’s decision to not taste something. And that should be the end of it. Because short of bribery, it’s unlikely that a child will taste anything they don’t want to. Even if you tell them that it’s good for them.
Conclusion
Picky eating is normal. In fact, up to 50% of parents think their kids are picky eaters. There are many things we can do to encourage our kids to be more adventurous eaters. The most important thing is to consistently offer a variety of foods and allow kids autonomy over what they decide to eat.
